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LADIES! It's Business as Usual

The free ice cream trucks (pulled by eunuchs) were being rolled out and the men were gearing up for their yearly high-heel-kicking session. I’m Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I’ve learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.


The designer baby was more or less like a normal baby, except instead of growing older it simply moved on to wearing progressively taller stilts every year. Also of note was its peculiar hairstyle, which had been shaped with various gels and pomades to form an effigy of a crucified man. It also wore a denim jacket with a "DIE CIS SCUM" patch on the back. On the front of its jacket there were various buttons, most of which had drawings of cats or pizza on them.

"2013 called," said the Supreme Overlord, Lesbian Dad. "And she wants her clothes back."

"I'm not OK with your attitude," said Designer Baby.

"Learn to take constructive criticism," said Lesbian Dad.

"That's not constructive, that's just an insult," said Designer Baby.

"I beg pardon?" asked Lesbian Dad.

The audience was confused.

"I think you're a bully," said Designer Baby. "You're afraid of my cool retro outfits and my kickass stilts, so you make fun of me to try to keep me in my place. And I'm not OK with that."
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. My dad is a lesbian and he is also the supreme emperor of the United Earth Confederacy. If you mess with my dad he will send his lesbian shock troops to your house to kick down your door and shoot you. So please do not mess with my dad. Anyways it is International Women's Day now and because of this all women are entitled to one (1) free bowl of ice cream, served on hands and knees by eunuchs who come from a diverse range of ethnic and religious backgrounds. My favourite is Cherry Garcia, and that's what I'm getting today. I'm out on the beach now, I'm having a great time. Thanks to our lesbian overlords summer vacation is 365 days a year now. I think this lesbian world dictatorship was a great idea.

Lion in Disguise

Gerry had missed Christine on Saturday and when Monday rolled around he waited for her at the cafe where they met regularly. When she did not show he became worried and drove by her house but it seemed that no one was home. He knew better because he always saw her mom there. His next move was to ring the bell and ask for her. When he finally did the mother answered and gave him a dirty look. She told him that Christine had been sent away to a girls college and would not be around for at least 6 months. Gerry was devastated but swore he would find out where she was. He drove down the street slowly thinking where to start.
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